Needing and Wanting

I've been waiting on God for something for a very long time. In the process of waiting, I've been molded and shaped in ways I could not have thought possible. Though it brought pain of all sorts of degree but seeing my heart purified made it all worth going through. It causes me to know that I'll be completely ready when what I've been waiting for comes to pass one day.

Somewhere last week, I was reminded of a particular matter that was part of what I've been waiting for. At that moment, it was as if God stood beside me and just wanted me to ask Him to talk to me about that matter. But deep down inside of me, there was a sense of reluctance. Was I afraid that if I were to ask of God, I may place too much hope on getting it that if I don't, I'll be disappointed?

As I stood there for a moment, I realized that there are matters deep inside my heart that I have not been bold in asking of God. In fact, I'd rather leave them be. Fast forward to Friday, it was cell group time. We were on a whole different topic and in the middle of the discussion, there was a shift of attention to faith in asking God. I just felt like I was being arrowed at that moment. But there was a statement made by a leader that moved me - "Asking of God is having faith that God IS good. We may not get what we want, but He'll give us exactly what we need."

I reflected on that statement for days and God reminded me of an experience I had when I drove for the very first time in Penang. Sincerely speaking, I'm not a fan of roads flooded with cars. Driving under those circumstances just make me doubt my driving skills. I remember praying in the morning telling God to minimize traffic at all cost. That was what I thought I needed. But however, when I arrived in Penang, the roads were horrible! I thought I would be absolutely nervous but somehow, such an unspeakable peace and confidence filled my heart. Right at that moment, a still small voice whispered into my heart - "What you needed is My peace and confidence, not roads without cars."

It's such a funny thing that we often think we know what we need and what we want. Sometimes, we're actually blinded to what we need and what we need is often what is on the inside. From my perspective in my own life, I realized most often what I want is of what I can see with my physical eyes. Therefore, although asking of God may not mean what I've been waiting for will immediately drop onto my lap, I might receive something that I may never know is what I really need. Even right now, I just realized that God is already dealing with what I needed even in asking me to ask of Him - faith in who He is; that God is always good. 

May. :)